


All these things I should have said

by Wallyallens



Category: DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV)
Genre: AU for 2x01, F/M, Gen, RipFic, either way; rip hunter cares about sara lance a whole damn lot, platonic or romantic its up to you
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-16
Updated: 2016-10-16
Packaged: 2018-08-22 20:39:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,264
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8300219
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wallyallens/pseuds/Wallyallens
Summary: AU for 2x01. As well as the message for the team, Rip leaves another message for Sara.





	

 

Rip was there and not there, standing in a translucent form in his office to speak to them though absent, like a ghost; like a fading memory. A flickering candle, about to be snuffed out. He looked the same as ever, not a hair out of place, but there was something in the depths of his worried, sad eyes that revealed the truth: he was _scared_. They didn’t know if he was alive or dead: all they had was this last message, a goodbye.

Sara never liked goodbyes.

She felt her insides twist and swim as he spoke, afraid to even blink for fear that in the time between one and the next, he would have vanished – that when she opened her eyes, he would be gone, and that would be it. Sara wouldn’t miss a thing, she swore, unblinking and barely breathing as she watched, trying to hear his words through the drumming in her head crying _no, no, no, NO_!

Because Rip couldn’t just be gone; she needed him too much. There was a quiet understanding in her captain, who even months after Laurel’s death saw the signs of grief in her and never pushed or prodded, but was constantly _there_ , letting her know she was not alone.

Now he was leaving her too. Sara felt as if all the air had been crushed from her lungs, as if the world were fragmenting all around her while she stayed on her feet, and wondered how that were possible.

“And remember,” Rip said, with a finality in his voice that snapped her back to the world, seeing his face shining there before her, bright eyed pride lingering in his expression. “History is yours now, my _dear_ legends. Good luck.”

Just like that, Rip blipped out of existence in the flickering of the hologram, and the moment he vanished, Sara choked out the breath she had been holding, gasping in shock and horror. This was _her_ fault, she _knew_ it – if she had stuck to the plan instead of going after Darhk, they may have secured the bomb, and none of them would have had to be scattered and Rip would _be there_ –

“Miss Lance?”

The voice cut through before Sara’s thoughts could descend any further, and she blinked up in confusion. “Gideon?”

“I’m sorry to disturb you, Miss Lance, but Captain Hunter left a second message,” Gideon said; even the artificial intelligence sounding wounded at the loss of their captain. Sara felt her heart lurch at the words, standing straight again and moving towards where the hologram had been. “This message was for you only. Would you like to hear it?”

Sara barely trusted herself to speak, glancing round at the people left in the room quickly. If Rip had wanted them to hear it, she was sure he would have said whatever was left to say to her in his main message: but these words were _hers_ , and she suddenly felt crowded, not wanting them to be there when she saw the recording.

Sara spoke quietly, looking back at her team before tilting her head towards the door, “Can you-?”

They understood at once. Across their faces, she saw a mixture of worry, curiosity, and the grief that came from a sudden loss, but they all nodded, walking from the room in sullen steps. Ray paused at the door, turning back to her.

“If you need us – you know where we are.”

“Thank you,” Sara nodded, voice barely a whisper. She met Ray’s eyes, and unlike the last time he made the offer and she had shrugged it off, she thought that she just might take him up on it this time. She was getting tired of being alone. Ray saw, nodded once, and left.

Then Sara was alone in the room, turning with shaking hands back towards where the hologram had been before, nodding more to herself than anybody, trying to convince herself that she could do this; that she was ready. But who was ever ready to say goodbye to a friend, really? It was the hardest thing in the world.

But she found her voice, fists clenched at her side, facing down the empty space and determined to hear Rip out one last time.

“Okay, Gideon,” she said loudly. “Play it. I’m ready.”

Rip appeared, and suddenly she wasn’t so sure. Her hands fell slack at her sides, the air was pushed from her lungs, tears sprang to her eyes, and she _ached_ at the sight of him. It hurt too much. For a moment, the hologram of Rip seemed to look right at her, as if he were really there, pausing just to look before he spoke – but that was ridiculous, he couldn’t have know where she would be. But Sara couldn’t shake the feeling that even though he wasn’t there, Rip could see right into her _soul_.

“I’m very sorry, Miss Lance, but I’m afraid that there is one last order I must give you,” he said eventually, breaking the silence. Rip tilted his head to the side as he spoke, something that might have become a smile if given time tugging at his lips, yet still his eyes never left her. “And I know it will be one that is hard for you to follow: don’t blame yourself.”

The words rung out, hanging in the air, and it took Sara a few seconds to fully process what they meant. She blinked heavily, feeling something warm slide down her cheek, but couldn’t tear her eyes away from Rip, whose own face was a mask of forgiveness and concern.

“I know what you will be thinking, but this was not your fault, Sara; it never was. You did not create that bomb – Darhk did, and no blame lies in you for what happened,” he looked like he wanted to come closer, face twisting into concern, rubbing a hand over his eyes before looking back at her, as if he could see the way she shook her head at the words and needed to remedy it. Maybe Rip could see the future, or maybe he just saw _her_ , for all that she was, and knew exactly how she would react. “You going after Darhk did not cause this; he did. Sara, you have to know that out of everyone, I am the last person who would blame you for trying to save your sister. Everything I did last year to save my family, I know you have to do the same, because in the trying there is hope, and I never, _never_ want you to lose that . . . I made my own choices, and this was one of them. So that is my final order for you: do not blame yourself for this.”

Those dark eyes that never missed a thing saw her then, she was sure, shining with sympathy as the recording paused between words, shaking. He looked around, assessed the situation, then turned back to her with the same intensity as before.

“It seems I am running out of time, and I have a few more things I should have told you before now, so I will be as quick and as honest as I know how to be,” Rip said, biting his lip as he turned on the spot, twisting in discomfort before looking back at her. “I am so, _so_ sorry about your sister, Miss Lance. I feel what you are feeling now, I have felt it, and I know it seems like all that remains are dark days. But I promise you _– I promise_ – that this is not the end. Someday, there will be light again. There will be better days . . . please, _please_ , don’t give up as I did before they arrive. Try, but all means, try to save her – but don’t take risks that are too great, or gamble with your own life: it is too precious. _Laurel_ would not have wanted that.”

Sara was sure she was crying now, but felt like her body was not her own anymore, numb to the world as the words soaked into her very skin. She could feel her chest heaving with sobs, the ache in her lungs that came from gasping for breath while crying, and the hologram before he grew cloudy and clear as she blinked the tears free, not wanting to miss a thing. The fear that she would blink and he would be gone returned, keen as a knife between her ribs.

“You remain the strongest person it has ever been my privilege to know, Miss Lance,” Rip continued, captivating her attention once more. He was smiling fiercely now, his own eyes damp, but face open and giving; it felt like a goodbye. “I have admired you greatly, trusted you, and I _hope_ I may call you a friend. The team is yours now. Lead them. There is nobody I trust more to do this; you can pilot the Waverider and Jax can keep her flying, and they will listen to you. Hold fast to that, _to them_.”

“I can’t-” Sara suddenly found herself shaking her head, moving towards the hologram and speaking aloud as if he could hear her. Standing in front of Rip, she reached out a hand – and it passed right through him, shattering the illusion, which righted itself in a second. He wasn’t real, but what he said was true. She was sobbing, “I can’t do this. I’m not – I’m not a hero. I can’t do this without you.”

“You can,” Rip said. Suddenly, Sara looked up – and he was looking right back at her. He could read her mind, it seemed, even now. There was a sad sort of smile on his face. “You can do this. You will. All I regret is that when you find those better days, as I believe you will, that I will not be there to see them with you. But know this,” he touched his own chest, right above the heart. “Wherever you go, _I’m always with you_.”

There was another shake in the recording, and Rip was jolted before he straightened, desperate to say one final thing.

“Since the first day you set foot upon this ship, you brought light back to it, and gave so much of yourself to everyone else that you forgot to save some for yourself. So this time, remember this: _have heart_. You have so much of it to give, but keep some hope for yourself.” Almost as an afterthought, his face assembled itself into an expression of upmost affection, the smile on his lips soft and genuine, and he said one last word – just one – her name. “ _Sara_.”

There was a still, shining moment, where his mouth was curved to her name and he saw her, and Sara felt her heart hitch at the sight, never wanting it to end – but then Rip was gone; the hologram cut out, and once again, he was lost from the world.

The noise Sara made was choked and broken, a whimper from the back of her throat as her sobbing resumed, desperately reaching out at the last moment, only for her hand to close on thin, empty air. Eyes scrunched shut in crying, the image of him burned there, she stumbled forward until she hit his desk, hands dropping to it to stop her from falling as all coherent thoughts left her. All that was left was the absence, the half-disbelief that Rip couldn’t just be gone – that at any moment he was going to walk in and ask what she was doing in his office, all sarcasm and ease and strength. She didn’t realise how much conviction he must have had to carry on after his family had died until now, with the ghost of Laurel in her mind every day and night, memories of playing cards with Len – and now this, another loss which rocked her deep to her core.

To carry on in a world where the people you loved dearest kept leaving was impossible to think, and yet that is precisely what Rip had been doing for over a year – and what she must do now.

From where she had collapsed against the desk, Sara felt her tears slow and then dry, controlling her breathing as she leant there, even though everything about the room reminded her of him and made her want to break into tears anew. After a time, the silence deafening around her, Sara stood with dry eyes, straightening and turning, eyes cast towards the captain’s seat ahead of her. Rip wanted her to do this; to carry on the fight they started together. Slowly but surely, Sara found herself nodding.

“Okay, okay,” she whispered, voice hoarse as she stepped towards the captain’s seat. “I promise. For you, Rip . . . for you.”

Rip gave her the ship and the team, and she would take them and use them as best as she knew how. There was all of time that needed them. Laurel needed her, and Sara had a chance however small to save her, so of course she would try. She would _fight_. Sara Lance had lost much in her life, but each time she was knocked down she rose, harder and stronger, ready to face the next challenge. She could do this. She _could_ do this.

She believed it.

“Gideon,” Sara said, reaching the chair and pulling down the harness over her chest, turning to face the blue hue of the timestream before her endlessly. “We have my sister to save and our captain to find. Chart a course.”

 

**Author's Note:**

> I just needed a) generally more reaction to Rip dying/being lost than we got, because they were a team and should care gdi, b) rip to officially leave the captaincy to sara, his second, c) just move acknowledgement of the parallels between rip and sara and the bond they share. so here it is! Hope you enjoyed, and don't forget I'm always taking Time Canary fic requests here and on tumblr.


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